The Longest One Night Stand Ever
by Accio-Underwear
Summary: Spite can cause the worst situations.
1. Chapter 1

_Disclaimer – I do not own South Park_

_This fic was cowritten by .com. Special thanks to him and .com for re-inspiring me to write._

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Terrance Henry Stoot stretched, his toes wiggling in the plush carpet. He scratched at his side as he strode from the entrance of his room into the kitchen in nothing but his lazily pulled on backwards boxers.

Really, he was only wearing them out of courtesy for his roommate and best friend.

The same man who was leaning against the counter next to the sink, drinking coffee and fully dressed for the day, "Morning," Phillip Niles Argyle greeted with a mild look of amusement.

"Mreh," Terrance replied lazily, opening a cabinet to find his lucky red mug so he could pour himself some much needed coffee.

He ignored Phillip's watching him expectantly as he poured his coffee, added his sugar and cream and leaned against the counter contently. After a long sip, he sighed in satisfaction and looked up at Phillip.

Who was _still_ staring at him.

"May I help you?"

Phillip held out a slip of paper. "She left her number." He commented.

Terrance sighed and took the paper, crinkling it into a ball immediately. "Phillip, how many times have I told you not to feed them? That makes them want to come back."

"She was nice." Phillip shrugged. "Told me a bit too much about your bedroom activities, but very polite. I liked her."

"Then you fuck her."

"She wants you." Phillip replied coolly.

Terrance rolled his eyes. This conversation came up every now and then. Phillip wasn't in a relationship, but he wasn't having fun like Terrance was either. And he apparently felt that Terrance should probably get to know the people he was sleeping with at the very least.

"Yes, well, I don't want her." Terrance replied with a shrug.

"That's not what you were saying last night." Phillip snorted.

"What'd she tell you?"

"Nothing, I heard you. Start closing your window when you do that sort of thing, guy."

Terrance felt the heat filter into his cheeks and he downed the rest of the coffee, setting the mug firmly on the counter before twisting on his feet. "I'm getting dressed." He announced. "Leave for the studio already if you want."

Phillip chuckled. "I never do." He called.

Terrance grumbled under his breath, dancing around the clothes and blankets that were strewn across his floor due to the activities from the night before.

Phillip was right, the woman was nice enough. Big blue eyes, bigger breasts, and a mouth perfect for sucking him off. But that was all he really remembered of her. He didn't even remember her name. Kerry or something.

Really, the reason she enticed him was because she reminded him of the young man from a week before. Same eyes and lips.

He wasn't likely to meet her again though, so he didn't bother remembering. She wasn't in the list of people who mattered to him.

That list only consisted of his daughter and Phillip.

While annoyed with Phillip at the moment, Terrance did appreciate all he did when a fling was brought home. After all, there were rules and boundaries to keep in mind and Phillip insured that the random person Terrance allowed to temporarily be in their bubble followed those rules.

For one thing, he absolutely made sure that they weren't around when Terrance got up. He could not stand that awkward after sex conversation, so Phillip did it for him. And he was pretty sure he told them some not so great stuff about him too, because no one really tried to make contact with him. They'd leave a number, but that was it.

Now that he thought of it, Phillip did a lot to make his life more comfortable. And he never really showed his best friend any appreciation. Phillip probably knew he appreciated him, but Terrance never _showed_ it.

He really ought to do something.

Pulling on a fresh turtleneck and his usual slacks, Terrance ruffled his hair, checking out his mirror quickly before grabbing a bottle of mouthwash from his dresser, squishing and spitting out of his open window, thankful he could do that since it was just some abandoned alley below him.

When he exited his room, he gave Phillip a crooked smile. "Ready to go, buddy?" He asked.

Phillip raised an eyebrow, looking mildly suspicious but nodded. "But of course." He replied, setting aside the two mugs he had just cleaned.

Another thing Terrance had to appreciate him for.

During the whole trip to the studio, Terrance wracked his brain for some way to show Phillip appreciation. It was hard because nothing seemed to be enough to show how much he cared for his friend and was thankful for everything Phillip thanklessly did for him.

He could set Phillip up?

But then again, Phillip showed no interest in anyone ever. Not since the Queef sisters.

Some nice trip somewhere would be good, but Phillip probably wouldn't go unless Terrance went. They'd most likely end up being somewhere where attractive singles were abundant and then Phillip's responsibilities would turn into something international.

Not that they already weren't.

Terrence's head was aching by the time they got to their dressing room and Phillip was wordlessly setting a couple of aspirin on the table in front of him.

And another thing to appreciate.

Terrance mustered a thankful look and took the pills dry before running his hands through his hair, happy that they wouldn't be in front of an actual camera today but just reading through lines.

"Are you feeling alright?" Phillip asked. "You're looking a bit off."

Terrance shook his head. "I'm just thinking too much," He assured.

"Always a dangerous thing," Phillip replied with a smirk.

Terrance flipped him off and finally pulled the waiting script towards him, having ignored it until now. "Which episode is this?" He asked.

"The one where we fart," Phillip joked, obviously trying to lighten Terrance up a bit.

He had woken up in a serious mood today…

Terrance managed a snort and felt relief as the other actors – oh God, Bob was in this episode?! – started filing in. He was thankful for the distraction. Now he could focus on something he could actually manage to get done instead of the impossible task of showing how much he cared for his best friend looking out for him.

But…

God, Bob was ugly.

It was radiating through his paper bag.

"You're looking especially hideous today, Ugly Bob." Phillip greeted.

"You know, when I was in the States, no one thought I was ugly!" Bob protested.

"Everyone knows Americans are stupid." Terrance scoffed.

"Yes, but-"

"Your face looks like a hideous malformed ass, may we carry on?" Phillip replied, flashing Terrance a grin.

Terrance grinned back as Bob made a noise of frustration but shut up, instead pulling his script forward and flipping to find himself amongst the lines.

They spent the day reading, rehearsing, eating the studio provided lunch, and all-together verbally abusing Ugly Bob. The afternoon slowed, as did their progress in remembering the lines, and the actors slowly started to talk about other things.

"A new club has opened downtown, you know." One of the women brought up. "And it _is_ a Friday night."

"Oh, count me in!" One of their recently divorced writers chirped. "I'm ready to get back into the game."

Other people agreed and Terrance found himself looking at Phillip, begging him to agree to go so Terrance wouldn't feel bad about wanting to go.

Phillip gave a shrug and smiled. "Sounds like fun."

Terrance beamed, "We'll be there, guy." He confirmed.

The group had agreed that eight would be a good time to meet up at the club for some friendly after work drinks and dancing. That way they had time to change, eat and inform whatever loved ones they had that they'd be going out. Another writer would have to find a babysitter during that time.

And it gave Terrance time to get in a shower since he still reeked from the night before.

As he made his way to do that as soon as they got home, Phillip stopped him with a single question.

"You're not planning on having someone over again, are you?"

Terrance gave Phillip an odd look. "Yeah. What's wrong with that?" He asked.

"Well, I'd like at least a week to go by where I don't have to try and prevent a potential scene." Phillip replied in a clipped tone.

Terrance did not appreciate that tone. "Next week, then," He replied, just as clipped, and he turned on his heel and marched into his room.

"Terrance!" Phillip fumed.

Terrance ignored him.

Honestly, he was a grown man. He was allowed to have his fun and he didn't ask for Phillip to deal with his visitors.

Really, this night was going to be more of a 'maybe' but now Terrance was determined to find someone to take home.

Someone that would really rile Phillip up.

As he picked up his towel for the shower, Terrance heard the front door slam and knew that Phillip had gone on without him.


	2. Chapter 2

_Disclaimer – I do not own South Park_

Ike Moisha Broflovski curled in on himself, his toes curling away from the cold linoleum floor beneath his feet. He rubbed his arms as he rushed from the edge of the kitchen to the carpeted area that was pretty much the rest of his studio apartment.

He'd managed to stand on the freezing floor long enough to turn on his coffee machine and now he buried his feet into the scratchy thin carpet in hopes to get his feet warm again.

He really needed to get on the management's case about the heating in this place.

While he'd come from the consistently snowed in town of South Park, his family was able to afford heating so he was accustomed to being comfortable inside and bracing for the cold weather to hit him outside. But now that he'd move to Canada in some stupid little quest to discover his heritage or whatever, he'd learned that heat was created by money.

And he did not have money.

Now he was nineteen, a minimum wage earning telemarketer, and living in a broken apartment. He'd consider going back home to Colorado but that would admit defeat. Plus, here he could be himself; he didn't have an overbearing mother to worry about or his brother's shadow to block his way.

Here, he was Ike Broflovski. In South Park, he was Kyle's little brother, Ike.

As the coffee machine did its work, he hurriedly undressed, pulling on a pair of jeans and his large baby blue hoodie that he'd had since forever. He smelled it as it was on and inhaled deeply. Coffee grounds since he'd spilled some on himself the night before.

He was okay with that.

Hunting for socks, Ike found one under his pillow and another that just happened to be in his dirty laundry basket. He decided it was still good for another day and pulled both socks on, braving the cold kitchen floor again now that he had protection. He quickly got a mug and started preparing his coffee to help wake himself up for another droll evening of calling people and ruining their dinner with the promises of a subscription to some shoddy magazine no one had ever heard of.

Taking a sip of coffee, he unwrapped a bagel from a bag of several and munched, listening to the silence of his apartment.

He never really registered how quiet it was until moments like these. These moments always got him thinking about home and his family, a wave of nostalgia hitting him in the pit of his stomach.

Sucking in a breath, he finished chewing his bagel, sipped his coffee once more before pouring the rest out into the sink, and set the mug aside. Grabbing his keys, prepaid phone, and empty wallet, he made his way out of the apartment.

It was easy enough to get to work that he didn't need to take public transportation or have a car. He simply had to follow The Road East for half a mile and he was there. That was one of the major things he enjoyed about Canada. It had a simplistic layout in which nobody could get lost except if they went the wrong way.

Upon entering the building in which his call center was located, Ike knew something was wrong immediately. He didn't know what but it irked at him until he opened the door to the small, privacy lacking cubelets and noted that they were all missing the large monitors the marketers would read off of.

He also noticed the painfully unsettling silence.

And of course, the severe lack of people.

Hearing a faint noise coming from the breakroom across the way, Ike's grip tightened on his bag as he quickly strode across the office space, his eyes glancing every which way in a nervous reaction to what was an obvious horror movie setup.

He chewed at his bottom lip as he neared the door and pushed it open, awkwardly peeking through the window as he did so. Most of his shift was there, standing awkwardly or sitting down in the few chairs the break room had. Most didn't even bother to take off their coats as they looked tired and mildly annoyed.

"-file for your Employment Insurance ASAP so you can get it as soon as possible while you all look for new work. And thank you all for taking this so well, I hope you all understand that this news of Bankruptcy and closure blind-sided me just as much as it did you. I did not expect that I'd be laying off dozens of people when I woke up this morning…"

Ike let out a small sigh.

Laid off.

Jobless.

Fuck.

He ran his hands through his short messy hair and listened to the uneasy silence as he leaned against a nearby wall. No one knew what to do now. Leaving would mean that it was true and that they were all unemployed.

There was another moment of this absurd silence before someone spoke up. Ike didn't know her name but she was a young woman, probably a couple years older than him, with blonde highlighted hair and a penchant for wearing lowcut shirts.

She was, however, an amazing salesperson and she had a new pitch.

"This place was a piece of crap!" She declared, "And we're all free! We all wanted to quit at one point but 'Oh, the job market' and 'I have bills to pay.' Now fate's gone and opened the door for us to fulfill our dreams. We should be celebrating!"

There were murmurs of uncertainty before a guy with too many piercings for a 'respectable' job stood up. "Let's do it!"

The group seemed more agreeable to this.

"We'll go to that new club downtown!" An excited wave hit the workers, most of which were fairly young adults and university students. The older employees usually worked days since they had families to care for. "Well come on, then! Let's go get drunk!"

A cheer this time and Ike couldn't help but feel the excitement himself. He did have some spending money so he could probably get himself a drink or two and it would be good. He didn't exactly socialize since his big move and while he was now unemployed, this might be the push he needed to improve his life.

He joined the small group as they bustled out of the room and towards the exit, yammering excitedly and ignoring the empty cubicles, acting as though they'd all see this place and each other tomorrow. Ike bit his lip, smiling at a joke piercing guy had made casually about how he'd been studying to be a thermonuclear physicist anyway. Ike quickly realized it was not a joke when the guy opened his bag for his cigarettes and Ike caught sight of a textbook on the very subject.

The group made its way to the trains since downtown was too far of a walk away and everyone yammered excitedly in the car, Ike sitting down next to a few of the girls he was placed nearby when he worked. One was a redhead with a biggish nose and a splatter of freckles on her face, but her smiles were always genuine. The other was a willowy little brunette with dimples and a gap between her front teeth.

They were nice enough, especially when the redhead with the biggish nose smiled at him. "Excited?" She asked, relieving Ike because he didn't know their names and she didn't use his. Meaning there was a chance she didn't know his name either.

"Yeah," Ike nodded casually, "It's going to be fun."

"I've never been clubbing." The brunette admitted sheepishly. "Do you think there will be a lot of men there?"

"I'm sure there will be." Ike replied, "Where else would they go to find women?"

Both girls laughed, Brunette awkwardly trying to hide her gap while Redhead went full on snorting. Ike relaxed a bit, pleased with his successful attempt at preliminary social interaction and decided that maybe he'd try and hang out with these two tonight.

Unfortunately that plan was not to be.

What Ike had previously thought was going to be a group party at a club turned into everyone running off to do their own thing. He awkwardly wandered through the crowd, glad his things were at the coat check or else it'd be harder to maneuver, and he went off to settle at the bar.

He ordered a drink, just a beer, and sipped at it. Turning to watch the other people, dancers and minglers and guys trying to pick up women…he felt very separated. Invisible even. He could watch all evening and no one would notice him.

"This seat taken?"

Ike jerked around at the sound of someone's breath so close to his ear. His skull cracked into the invader of his personal space and he tightened his grip on his bottle in reaction as to not drop it, his other hand flying up to nurse his aching head.

"Oh," He groaned, blearily opening his eyes and looking up at the person he'd just assaulted. "Sorry?"

The man chuckled and Ike felt his face heat up at the sound. "It's no problem. I was the one who startled you anyway."

He was older, probably Ike's Dad's age with dark hair and amused eyes that were just as dark. He was at least a half a head taller than Ike too, and incredibly handsome. Ike couldn't help but blush and duck his head slightly as that easy and carefree smile was aimed at him.

"It's fine." Ike replied, his smile sheepishly growing as the man leaned towards him casually.

He'd always liked older people and his interest in men had grown throughout the years. Handsome, suave, and quite possibly hitting on Ike when he didn't want to be lonely was exactly Ike's type too.

"Nah, let me buy you a drink or something, guy. You're looking low on that one anyhow."

Ike bit his lip and looked up at the man through his thick lashes, smiling and nodding sheepishly. He'd seen girls do it plenty of times in this very club and he figured it was worth an attempt.

It seemed successful since the man's smile widened and he waved for the bartender. "I'm Terrance, by the way." He introduced himself casually, offering his hand.

Ike smiled and took his hand, noting how warm it was from the heat inside the club. "Ike."

Terrance held his hand way too long to be casual and gave it a squeeze before letting go. "Pleasure to meet you, Ike," He replied coolly, accepting the two bottles the bartender offered and gave one to Ike before offering his own to click. "To meeting by headbutting."

Ike smiled softly. "To meeting by headbutting," He seconded, clicking his bottle against Terrance's.

Terrance winked and drank, watching Ike do the same as they didn't break eye contact.

Maybe they could meet in other ways later.


End file.
